i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
