Do you still have your period?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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