Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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