Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
