There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
