While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
