My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
