You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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