the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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