do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
