I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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