I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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