I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
