If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
