Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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