every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she looked like the before picture.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
