living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
