I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
