Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I cockslap morals
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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