Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
