I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
