I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
