im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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