nut hugger
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My penis needs a shock collar
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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