the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
