Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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