i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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