If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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