I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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