Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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