Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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