Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
