Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
