Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
