he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
