At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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