oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
