If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
