Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I CAN MOONWALK!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
