Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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