she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
