Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
