Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
