If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
