honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
