Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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