fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
