Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
