oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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