I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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