farters have to be the big spoon...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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