If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
