this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
