Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize