remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
