oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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