we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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