You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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