im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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