Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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