I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
