at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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