It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
