im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
