i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
