A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She swung at the pinata with crutches
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
