please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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