If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
