Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
