I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
