you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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