what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm too high and old for this...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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