I wanna passion pit in your ass
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
