I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize