So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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