i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
