Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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