I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
