smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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