Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
