We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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