just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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