The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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